Merry Christmas Ryan - 2022

Merry Christmas Ryan! This is our third time celebrating the birth of Jesus without you with us. I have been thinking so much about what Christmas looks like for you…celebrating in the very presence of Jesus. That thought alone has brought me a great deal of peace and comfort. Although, selfishly I want you with us. God is restoring JOY…but I know it will never be fully restored this side of heaven. Ian and Ivy have been such precious gifts. I so wish you could see them as I know you so wanted to be an uncle. It is such a gift to experience the newness and excitement of life through the eyes of children. Paul and Noah are will us this year as well. We all went to church last night and I could have ugly cried all the way through the service. Holidays and family celebrations make the lack of your presence more acute and painful at times. Don’t get me wrong, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you…truth be told I think of you a million times a day, but the loss of you with us in the here and now seems more profound and felt when we are all together…when if you were still here…you would be with us as well. I can’t wait for us to be together again one day. I often think about what that moment will hold. I imagine me crying and giving you the biggest hug (much like the one I gave you in San Diego when I had not seen you for three months. I imagine that I will never want to let you go once you are in my arms again. I imagine telling you how much I have missed you and how deeply you are loved. Until then, I pray that God would allow the memories of you bring me more joy instead of sadness. I pray whatever you do today to Celebrate Christ’s birth, that you know you are missed greatly. I love you my precious, precious son…always have and always will. God, thank you for the gift of your presence this past year. Thank you for the countless ways that you have shown your love and faithfulness to me and our entire family. Thank you for the gift of new life in our family through Ian and Ivy. Most importantly, thank you for the gift of your precious son Jesus. Knowing that you understand what it is like to give up a son has somehow made the pain and loss of Ryan more bearable…I know you “get me” and my aching heart. Thank you for coming near to pain, brokenness and despair. I am so thankful that my sin does not cause you to turn on your heels and run the opposite direction. Thank you for our precious church family. They continue to walk out the hard with us and I am so humbled. Lord, may you give me eyes to see your hand in my every day life. May I seek you fervently, making time for you and your word daily. Lord, I give you my life…do with it as you will…may I just always point all things back to you. Happy Birthday Jesus. I love you!